I was talking to a fellow atheist about my recent podcast when I began to reflect on the “women only want assholes” meme that we commonly accept as true. I have addressed this concept before but it recently occurred to me that the idea is not only sexist toward women (women are insane, stupid and self loathing enough to only want relationships with people who will mistreat them) but to men as well. How? Well, the very statement implies that every male currently in a relationship MUST be an asshole. How could he not be? Women only want assholes ergo, all men who are currently in relationships are assholes.
See how stupid that sounds — how sexist it is towards men?
Are there women who get moist for bad boys?
There are guys who also love chasing down bad girls, however, we don’t assume ALL men want wild women because of the males who pursue such types. Wild women on average tend to lean towards the bitch side of things. Do we also assume that these men must be lured by the bitch aspect or by the fun aspect? I am willing to bet that these men like the fun aspect of the wild girl personality and the bitchiness happens to be and unfortunate off shoot of the character type.
Likewise, the women who enjoy “bad boys” probably like the wild, fun aspect of their behavior–they are not DRAWN to his asshole-I-ness. Only masochists enjoy being punished for punishment’s sake and I don’t think the majority of women are masochists–well, taking high heels shoes out of the equation of course.
Sadly, the very intellectuals who would normally see the idiocy of such a dumb, blanket ideology are the very ones who blindly embrace this fallacious social concept and adopt is as fact. Why? Because the concept is rooted in emotion and ego, not in facts or logic. By and large most of the men and women, who say this stuff do so for their own motivations and are largely driven by fear, anger, rejection, and/or guilt.
Problem is, by using this concept as a fail safe , the guy who feels he is losing out because chicks only want dicks, is not going to see where he may personally be screwing up in the realm of interpersonal relationships. Is he abrasive? Self Centered? Distant and Cold? Too shy to be alive? Doesn’t bathe? By consoling himself with the idea that is “those bitches fault” and not him, he finds himself in a perpetual loop of self fulfilled prophecy, chasing after and being rejected by the opposite sex. He doesn’t see that he fails largely because he won’t accept where he may be at fault for his own issues. Dude, if we are going to make women responsible for dating “jerks” why can’t men accept their own culpability in relationship choices and failures?
I was discussing this odd phenomenon with my hubby and I decided to do a Facebook analysis ratio on those who were in long term happy relationships and those in dysfunctional, unhappy ones. We know only of two ladies who are currently in messed up relationships with jerks. However, the majority of the relationships were counted as happy by the couple’s own admission. I have 284 friends, mostly consisting of relatives, distant relatives and friends ( some are there due to work and atheist affiliation) roughly 80 percent of the couples on my face book pages are in stable, loving relationships with great men and women.
Among those accounted as happy, I have my uncle Willie and his wife Vernis, Married for 47 years. On the youthful end of things, I know of two twenty something lovebirds who have been happily together since high school that recently married — they are sooo flipping cute, I love it! Another young couple just had a lovely little baby girl with one of the best men I know outside mah own hubster…that is just off the top of the head.
Could there be some in marriages that are unhappy and not saying so? Sure, anything is possible, but seeing as I have known these folks for years, there are often indicators of such things. Example, two of my friends recently broke up and the hubby and I saw this happening from a mile away.
I would say that most people can probably do the same FB assessment and find that MOST women are in good relationships with nice guys, and if you can’t do that, then dude, you need to change your circle of friends, stat, as you are surrounded by some rather jacked up folks!
Just sayin’ …
By and large though, the “all women want assholes” concept is hugely insulting a lot of great men who are good boyfriends, husbands and fathers. Stop slapping them in the face with this rhetoric. There will always be idiots who choose poorly in life. These immature individuals do not represent the whole of a gender, nor should they be made to.