MOST Men are Assholes???

only assholes are in relationships?

only assholes are in relationships?

I was talking to a fellow atheist about my recent podcast when I began to reflect on the “women only want assholes” meme that we commonly accept as true.  I have addressed this concept before but it recently occurred to me that the idea is not only sexist toward women (women are insane, stupid  and self loathing  enough to only want relationships  with people who will mistreat them)  but to men as well.  How? Well, the very statement  implies that every male currently in a relationship MUST be an asshole. How could he not be?  Women only want assholes ergo, all men who are currently in relationships are assholes.

See how stupid that sounds —  how sexist it is towards men?

Are there women who get moist for bad boys?

You betcha.

There are guys who also love chasing down bad girls,  however, we don’t assume ALL men want  wild women because of the males who pursue such types.  Wild women on average tend to lean towards the bitch side of things. Do we also assume that these men must be lured by the bitch aspect or by the fun aspect?  I am willing to bet that these men like the fun aspect of the wild girl personality and the bitchiness happens to be and unfortunate off shoot of the character type.

Likewise, the women who enjoy  “bad boys” probably like the wild, fun aspect of their behavior–they are not DRAWN  to his asshole-I-ness. Only masochists enjoy being punished for punishment’s sake and I don’t think the majority of women are masochists–well, taking high heels shoes out of the equation of course.

Sadly, the very intellectuals who would normally see the idiocy of such a dumb, blanket ideology are the very ones who blindly embrace this fallacious social concept and adopt is as fact. Why? Because the concept is rooted in emotion and ego, not in facts or logic.  By and large most of the men and women, who say this stuff do so for their own motivations and are largely driven by fear, anger, rejection, and/or guilt.

Problem is, by using this concept as a fail safe , the guy who feels he is losing out because chicks only want dicks, is  not going to see where he may personally  be screwing up in the realm of interpersonal relationships. Is he abrasive? Self Centered?  Distant and Cold?  Too shy to be alive?   Doesn’t  bathe?  By consoling himself with the idea that is “those bitches fault” and not him, he finds himself  in a perpetual loop of self fulfilled prophecy, chasing after and being rejected by the opposite sex. He doesn’t see that he fails largely because he won’t accept where he may be at fault for his own issues.  Dude, if we are going to make women responsible for dating “jerks” why can’t men accept their own culpability in relationship choices and failures?

I was discussing this odd phenomenon with my hubby and I decided to do a Facebook analysis ratio on those who were in long term happy relationships and those in dysfunctional, unhappy ones.  We know only  of two ladies who are currently in messed up relationships with jerks.  However, the majority of the relationships were counted as happy by the couple’s own admission.  I have 284 friends, mostly consisting of relatives, distant relatives and friends ( some are there due to work and atheist affiliation) roughly 80 percent of the couples on my face book pages are in stable, loving relationships with great men and women.

Among those accounted as happy, I have my uncle Willie and his wife Vernis, Married for 47 years. On the  youthful end of things, I know of two twenty something  lovebirds who have been happily together since high school that recently married — they are sooo flipping cute, I love it!  Another young couple just had a lovely little baby girl with one of  the best men I know outside mah own hubster…that is just off the top of the head.

Could there be some in marriages that  are unhappy and not saying so? Sure, anything is possible,  but seeing as I have known these folks for years, there are often indicators of such things. Example, two of my friends recently broke up and the hubby and I saw this happening from a mile away.

I would say that most people  can probably do the same FB assessment and find that MOST women  are in good relationships with nice guys, and if you can’t do that, then dude, you need to change your circle of friends, stat, as you are surrounded by some rather jacked up folks!

Just sayin’ …

By and large though, the “all women want assholes” concept is hugely insulting a lot of great men who are good boyfriends, husbands and fathers. Stop slapping them in the face with this rhetoric. There will always be idiots who choose poorly in life. These immature individuals do not represent the whole  of a gender, nor should they be made to.


Why this Black Atheist is No Longer an Atheist Activist

When I left the church I felt alone. As I leave the world of atheist activism behind, I feel even more alone? Why? Because an increasing number of angry atheist voices have targeted me and people like me, whose only crime is to be a woman or black and want a place in the world to live, work, breathe free and love as I want. They have embraced people like Milo, who famously responded, “Fuck your feelings,” when asked about how his actions could be perceived by minorities. They fight for his right to speak and say any odious thing he wants. They say they do this to champion free speech. Yet, these self same folks celebrate when Steve Shives, someone who champions ideas they do not like, is so called taken down. This showed me that yes, this is indeed about free speech. For them. They want they freedom to call me any name in the book and to tell me to like it and shut up. Don’t be offended. Don’t say you are offended. If you dare say you are offended, you are trampling free speech. But the take down of Steve Shives was glorious according to TJ, Thunderfoot and others of their ilk — to be celebrated in the streets. I can no longer be a part of any so called movement that does this to one of their own because he had the nerve to call TJ a bigot, while they fight for Milo’s right to call me a nigger and tell me I must be happy about it. It will only get worse, not better, especially if Trump gets elected. People who support the Milos of the world will feel emboldened to be even more hateful, nasty and even cruel and call it truth. They will laugh if tears spill down my cheeks because of it and say I am weak. Yet they will freak when one of their own is judged or called a name like sexist, or bigot, even as the most vile, misogynistic and racist stuff falls from their lips. They will swarm and down vote any dissenting voice on YT, Twitter, Tumblr. They will celebrate women and darkies being put in their place and call it a form of justice. You know, when my father was told to take my sister and me to the back of an Arkansas movie theatre several years after the end Jim Crow so as not to rile the white folks who hadn’t gotten used to the change, I thought there would come a time when the mentality behind that would cease to exist. I thought we’d finally come to place, or that I found that place in atheism activism, where I could have the same dignity and fair treatment as any one else. In 2016, I found out I was wrong. I see it in the ugly underbelly of the new movements that are growing in voice, and being emboldened by political figures who have almost 50 percent of the American vote, in spite of having known white supremacist ties and KKK support. To ignore evil is to condone it. It is why I say I can be an atheist, I have no choice, I do not believe in any gods, but I can’t be part of an atheist community. Too many folks in it don’t want me. They don’t want my voice. They don’t want to listen to what I have to say. These loud and proud folks pooh poohs my concerns and uses jerry rigged stats to support nasty ideals about me. They’ve told me to leave in no uncertain terms–and I don’t have to be asked twice.